The Advice

Question:  Got married today: "Can you give me some advice ?"
This is Armenian Radio: "Too late."

Freedom after Speech

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is the difference between the Constitutions of the USA and USSR?” Both guarantee freedom of speech.” We’re answering: “Yes, but the Constitution of the USA also guarantees freedom after the speech.”

Izvestiya

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Why do we need two central newspapers, Pravda (Truth) and Izvestiya (News) if both are organs of the same Party?” We’re answering: “Because in Pravda there is no news, and in Izvestiya there is no truth.”

Reorganization

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: "What is it that starts with an R and never ends?" We’re answering: "Reorganization."

Solving a Problem

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it possible to solve a problem which has no solution?” We’re answering: “We don't answer questions related to agriculture.”

Longest Joke

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What is the longest joke?” We’re answering: “The speech made by Khrushchev at the Party congress.”

Enemies

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “What methods do our enemies use in their subversive work against the socialist state?” We’re answering: “Such questions we discuss in our program ‘Useful Advice.’”

Lottery

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Is it true that Akopian had won last Sunday hundred thousand rubles in the state lottery?” We’re answering: “Yes, it is true. Only it was not last Sunday but Monday. And it was not Akopian but Vagramian. And not in the state lottery but in checkers. And not hundred thousand but one hundred rubles. And not won but lost.”

Communism

This is Armenian Radio; our listeners asked us: “Will people have money when communism is built?” We’re answering: “Some will, some will not.”